Sleep

I love sleep. I am a person who requires more sleep then less. When we first had Colin I was a walking zombie for the first few months. I would even cry at night before we went to sleep, it was pointless to me, why go to sleep when I would be up in a couple of hours or so.

I love naps on the weekends. Naps on Sunday's are the best, especially when you can crawl back into your unmade bed, because you had to fly out it to be late to church. I love naps on rainy days. I love to nap with my husband in bed, as it usual follows a particular activity.

Last night Colin began to cry as I was lying awake in bed not sleeping. It was not his normal cry. I checked on him and he had all the necessary items to sleep. But he was not. I left him there and he began to cry more. We try to let him resolve his problems on his own. But I was not sleeping and couldn't listen to him anymore.

So I sat in Colin's room holding him across my chest and softly talking to him. As I held him I looked around the room and thought to my self, its been a really long time since I had held him like that, and at that hour.

And suddenly I thought to myself, "I totally miss this."

AM I NUTS???

I miss getting up and holding my child in the middle of the night?

I miss sleep disruption?

I miss sleep?

Oh I got the baby blues bad.

Like I mentioned before, we are working on resolving this situation.

Babies

I know I haven't blogged recently...I have been thinking about blogging and then nothing currently is irritating me, or there's nothing really spectacular going on in my life at the current moment to blog about.

So........

A friend had a baby yesterday. He is absolutely beautiful, as most freshly produced babies are. And it makes me think back, not that long ago to when I gave birth to Colin. Looking at the pictures of the new baby, I remember holding Colin when he was first born, and thinking how amazing God is. Or perhaps I was relieved to be done squeezing a personal sized watermelon from my loins. Probably a little bit of both.

I remember first being told that he was in fact a boy as we did not know what we were having. A boy... our first child, a son, Colin John. When we were trying to decide on names, we quickly picked and agreed upon Megan Gayle for a girl (and still I think when we have another it would be in the top ranks for a girl). We had such a hard time with a boys name. I liked things that Robert didn't and vice verse. About a month out we were down to four names...Ethan, Samuel, Colin, and Garret. Well as many of you know I had Gestational Diabetes, and during one of my twice a week fetal monitoring I was having higher then normal blood pressure. Well I had to be induced immediately, we rushed home, grabbed my already packed bag, and headed to the hospital. On the way as we pulled onto the 405 North ramp at Woodruff, Robert and I decided with a handshake that if we had a boy we would name it Colin John. To this very day I still find myself completely dumbfounded that I am a mother, I have a son. I can still look at him and say "I have a son, I have a son named Colin." I feel completely as ease with him. I look at Colin every day knowing that we are truly blessed.

I have been thinking much lately about a second child. I think its fairly common knowledge that we are working for another. Something we need to step up and get serious about.

Part of me wants to hold out, its a hard feeling to express. Not being pregnant I can think about becoming pregnant and waiting for delivery day. But being pregnant kinda puts a closed door and becoming pregnant again. There are so many wonderful things about being pregnant. I can also think of many not so great things about being pregnant as well. And while I did not have a problem free pregnancy the postives out weight the negatives. Its it funny how after you have a baby all those worries tend to go away. The pain is just physical and quick to pass.

Subsequently I am constantly thinking about having another. I love children and sometimes fantasize about having a very large brood. But lets face it, children are expensive to raise to adults. And can the Golden family successful raise more then two children. Something I think about all the time. Or do I just caution to the wind and say, "God, let your will be done?"

I was going through my file cabinet the other day and found this quote.

"Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hands of God. Lucky the women who knows the pangs of birth, for she held a star."

So I don't really know what all this means. Yes, I am willing and ready for another child. Yes, I am kinda willing for the sleepless nights. Yes, I am ready for my heart to grow to love another. I guess time will tell. My heart is open to what God has planned for me and our family.